Nanoha Crossovers that Should Not Be!
by shanejayell
Summary: First, Mecha Girl Lethal Nanoha! Two: Nanoha Fortress 2!
1. Mecha Girl Lethal Nanoha

Nanoha Genesis Evangelion

Or, Mecha Girl Lethal Nanoha!

"Oof!" Nanoha grunted in the LCL filled Entry Plug of the Evangelion Unit-01 as the Angel hammered the Evangelion backwards. Focusing her will through the controls she righted the war machine, even as the white plugsuit clad girl's thoughts raced.

It had been a absolutely crazy trip getting to this moment, one that she was still processing. After the death of her family in the Impact Wars Nanoha had been placed in government care, growing up in several foster homes with guardians ranging from caring to apathetic. Just a few days ago she had been told she had been chosen as the Third Child and pilot of Evangelion, and with no warning was summoned to Tokyo-3.

Arriving at the city Nanoha had found it in total lock down, Tokyo-3 awaiting an attack by the Angels. With no running trains or taxi Nanoha stole a car then the teen drove towards where her map told her NERV was, in the process evading a attacking beak faced monster and meeting up with Misato Katsuragi for the first time, Switching cars to Misato's they raced out of the city just as a N2 mine was dropped on the angel.

They survived the shock wave, barely, then the two women raced as fast as possible for NERV. After a short time lost in the bowels of the massive complex (Would it be that hard to make a coherent map? Nanoha and Misato together couldn't make heads or tails of it!) they were rescued by Ritsuko Akagi, and taken to the waiting Evangelion.

'Which is how I got here,' Nanoha thought as she willed the Unit-01 to it's feet, shaking off the pain. She was still getting the hang of just moving this thing, much less fighting, but she was determined to do well at this.

In the command center of NERV the bridge bunnies called out readings and measurements, even as Misato and Ritsuko watched the battle on the monitors. "She's doing better than we expected at this stage," Ritsuko noted, the dyed blonde frowning thoughtfully.

"How does the synch rate compare to Asuka and Rei's?" Misato asked, frowning. She was feeling more than a few pangs of guilt over shoving the girl into Unit-01. Despite being orphaned Nanoha was so sweet and kind...

"Higher than Rei's, lower than Asuka's," Ritsuko said calmly. She snuck a glance at Misato as she quietly said, "We don't have a choice, Misato."

Misato grimaced, "We're sacrificing a war orphan to fight a monster. We had to have better choices than this."

Up on the screen everyone watched the Angel Sachiel charge at Unit-01, the blaster in it's hanbd flaring as it fired. But with surprising agility Unit-01 ducked under the bolt and tacked thje Angel, driving it backward to slam into a building.

"Aaah!" Nanoha yelled as she tacked the Angel, slamming it through the building in a burst of energy. She grappled with it wildly as she growled, "Doesn't this thing have any weapons?"

"Deploying progressive knife from shoulder holster," Maya Ibuki announced, pressing a switch and releasing the weapon.

"About time," Nanoha grabbed the weapon, 'feeling' it in her hand through the link with Unit-01. With a feral yell she drove the blade into the alien's flesh, making it cry out in pain as it scrambled backwards.

"Attack the core," Misato yelled, "the red orb on it's chest! That will kill it!"

Nanoha nodded grimly then charged, blade at the ready. But Sachiel anticipated the direct attack and evaded, grabbing Unit-01 by the head. "Oh no," Ritsuko murmured as Sachiel's energy attack blasted Nanoha in the face once, then again.

"Can we use the city's weapon to...," Misato started.

"They're too near," Makoto yelped, the young man looking deeply frustrated.

Then suddenly, the battered Unit-01 wrenched free, staggering sideways as it tried to recover from the injury. The Evangelion's facial armor was literally dented in, and no one in the control room wanted to imagine what kind of pain the pilot was in.

In the Entry Plug Nanoha was panting in pain, her whole head aching like she had been hit with a hammer. She focused past the pain, gritting her teeth as she growled out, "Mister Angel, that wasn't very NICE!"

No one had yet seen a Evangelion leap like they just did now, the AT Field flexing as Nanoha somehow threw heself up and then down onto the Angel like a living rocket. The blow staggered Sachiel even as Unit-01 began to tear into it's armor like it was paper.

Gendo Ikari frowned as he watched from the elevated balcony above the control room. "Has it gone bezerk?" he murmured questioningly.

"No," Kozo shook his head, the older man watching wise eyed, "that's the girl's doing."

The core was exposed as the Angel struggled, Nanboha pinning it down one handed as she recovered the knife. With a furious cry she struck, the blade piercing the core as she and Sachiel were engulfed in a powerful explosion.

There was a worried moment as they watched the cross like explosion blaze across Tokyo-3, then a sigh of relief as Unit-01 emerged from the devestation. There was a crackling hiss of static, and everyone paused worriedly.

"This is Nanoha Takamachi," the surprisingly firm voice came out of the static, "reporting the Angel has been destroyed."

There were cheers in the command center, cries of relief and joy. Only Gendo looked unhappy, frowning as his yellow glasses caught the light. Quietly he murmured to himself, "This is going to complicate the scenario."

Suddenly the Evangelion staggered a bit as Nanoha continued faintly, "Oooh. I don't feel so good." And with only those words as warning Unit-01 keeled over, even as the staff at NERV scrambled to recover the mecha and pilot.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Misato Katsuragi studied the young woman laying in the hospital bed, trying to reconcile the sweet, cheerful child she had met with the fury that had been unleashed against the Angel. Admittedly she had known how to hotwire a car, implying a somewhat rough life, but Misato had been completely taken by surprise when Nanoha leaped on the Angel and proceeded to tear it apart with her bare hands.

Ritsuko theorized that something in the Evangelion itself had risen up and saved the girl, but Misato didn't buy it. Nanoha had been rational both before and after the fight, and Misato would have expected her to be incoherent if the Evangelion took over somehow. No, it seemed Nanoha's pure determination had let her shrug off blinding pain, attack the Angel and rip it to shreds.

Nanoha stirred on the bed, twisting slightly in the sheets then she stiffened, looking up at the ceiling in confusion. Misato knocked on the door and then opened it up, politely calling out, "Nanoha? Are you awake?"

"Yes," Nanoha sat up, the sheets falling away to show the pajamas that the hospital had provided. She looked around blearily, some of her brown hair standing up in a cute little cowlick.

Misato was instantly struck by how adorably cute the child was, even as she sat beside her on the mattress. "How are you feeling?" she asked gently.

Nanoha actually smiled faintly, "Like I was punched in the head repeatedly."

Misato winced as she patted Nanoha's hand. "It's the control system for the Evangelion," she noted "if Unit-01 is injured, you feel it too."She hesitated a moment, then Misato quietly asked, "Do you remember what happened?"

Nanoha sat there quietly a moment, then looked up at Misato with haunted eyes. "Every second," she admitted, sounding horrified, "how could I DO that? I tore that thing apart! That poor Angel..."

As tears began to fall Misato reached out and hugged Nanoha, pulling the crying girl close to her and letting her sob. "There there," she murmured, patting her shoulder as she cried herself out.

Hiccuping softly Nanoha finally pulled back, then managed a weak smile. "I'm sorry for falling apart like that," she said sheepishly.

"It's all right," Misato said, smiling. "I know you feel terrible about what you did," she said quietly, "but you also saved a lot of lives."

"I know," Nanoha wiped at her eyes, "it's just... I didn't know I had that kind of violence within me. It's kind of hard to take."

"I understand," Misato agreed, remembering her army training, and the first time she had ever shot someone. Getting up she ordered, "Rest up, Nanoha, I'll get you out of here tomorrow."

Nanoha sat back, sighing as she answered, "Thank you."

Misato closed the door behind her, looking up to see Ritsuko standing nearby, a look of studied innocence on the blonde's face. "Were you listening in?" Misato asked with a sigh.

"Would I do that?" Ritsuko asked with false innocence.

Misato gave her a flat look then sighed. "What do you think?" she asked as they walked towards the elevators.

"She's fucking scary," Ritsuko said flatly, "her synch scores peaked higher than Asuka ever gets, she bodily ripped a Angel apart yet she's also..."

"A sweet, kind little girl," Misato nodded slightly. She put her hands in her jacket pockets, "Can you dig into her background for me?"

"Certainly," Ritsuko looked at her curiously as they reached the elevator, both women pausing there for a moment, "but why?"

Misato shrugged slightly and said, "Nanoha was able to hot wire a car to get out of the middle of the town and head to NERV. And you don't get that... determined all on your own. I want to know what events shaped her."

"I'll do what I can," Ritsuko nodded as she hit the button for the elevator. "You know how we let her borrow one of Rei's plugsuits?" she said with a faint smile.

"Yeah?" Misato asked curiously.

"After she beat the crap out of the angel and survived the explosion, it seems the staff has given her a nickname," Ritsuko looked amused as she added, "the White Devil."

"White Devil, huh?" Misato shook her head ruefully, then thought of some of the slow motion images from the Entry Plug, the almost feral smile on Nanoha's face. "Maybe that fits after all," she admitted as the elevator opened.

Gendo Ikari nodded coolly to them, then without a word strode past. Misato turned to see him briefly look into Nanoha's room, then continue on to see the previously injured Rei Ayanami.

Looking at Gendo Ritsuko asked Misato quietly, "Have you decided what to do with Nanoha once she's out of the hospital?"

"I thought about putting her in a suite like Rei," Misato conceded, "but..."

"She doesn't really seem the type to like living alone," Ritsuko noted. She looked at Misato with a slight smile, "You have a spare room, don't you?"

"Oh no," Misato quickly said, "I am not the sort of person you want to be taking care of a kid." She looked thoughtful for a minute, "But I do know someone with a spare room..."

The next morning Nanoha got up, glad to be out of bed. Once she was dressed in her street clothes she met with Misato and another young woman. "Hello," Nanoha nodded nervously.

"Nanoha, this is Maya Ibuki," Misato introduced the other woman with a smile, "you'll be staying with her for a while."

To be continued...?

Notes: This is mostly a experiment to take a teenaged Nanoha and toss her into Evangelion. Dunno if I'll continue it, tho the idea amuses me.


	2. Nanoha Fortress Two

Disclaimer: This is HEAVILLY based off the Team Fortress videos by Valve. I'm well aware of that, so if you complain in a review about it I will ignore you. I own none of the characters from Valve or Nanoha, I'm just borrowing them. Don't sue me, I'm broke.

Nanoha Fortress 2

The young woman hefted the massive gun on the box, grunting softly. "I am heavy weapons guy," she said in awkward English as she sat in the chair behind it, "and this... is my weapon."

"Great! Great!" Hayate Yagami, director of the interviews, murmured to herself.

"Could I do my interview in Japanese?" Nanoha asked, much more fluent in her native tongue, "my English isn't very good."

"Sorry," Hayate shook her head, "has to be English."

Nanoha sighed, then caressed the gun barrel thoughtfully. "It's fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollar cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minute," she said, quoting from the catalog in English. She smiled dangerously, "It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this gun for just twelve seconds."

"Does that math make sense?" Zafira whispered, the blue haired muscular cameraman standing beside his boss.

"I'm not going to argue," Hayate whispered back.

Turning the barrel Nanoha froze. "Someone touched Raising Heart." Looking around indignantly she called, "Who touched my gun!"

As Hayate watched her emote she decided this job was not going to be as cut and dried as she thought...

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"YAAA!" the young woman dressed in army fatigues and a helmet ran along, the bazooka on her shoulder firing wildly. Subaru Nakajima was a ball of pure energy racing across the battlefield as Hayate tried to catch up.

"She's nuts," Zafira panted.

Hayate couldn't really argue with that.

"Hey Tea!" she stopped to wave wildly at the supposedly hidden sniper, in the process of drawing fire on her.

Hayate watched the poor sniper scamper away from a hail of bullets, no doubt cursing wildly.

"Oops?" Subaru looked sheepish as she scratched the back of her head under her helmet. "Wonder in Sun Tzu has a saying that covers this?"

Explosions echoed around them as Hayate and Zafira dove for cover.

"Oh, that's right," Subaru nodded briskly, "In death ground, fight!" With that she readied her bazooka and was off, again.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The engineer was probably the most... normal of the lot Hayate had met so far. The slim, blond haired man was named Yuuno Scrya, and had a friendly smile as he offered her a beer. "No?" he smiled, putting it down on the box behind him.

"So, how would you describe your job on the team?" Hayate asked as she edged away from the robot canon that was sweeping the area for targets.

"Oh, some weapons maintenance and vehicle repair," Yuuno shrugged casually, "other than that, I just solve problems."

"Problems?" Zafira echoed.

"Not problems like what is beauty, because that would be a riddle of philosophy," Yuuno took a thoughtful drink, "but practical problems." His eyes took on a dangerous gleam, "Like how do I keep some bastard from tearing me a new asshole?"

Both Hayate and Zafira exchanged nervous looks, wondering what they were dealing with.

"The answer is a gun," Yuuno nodded to the cannon nearby as it blew away a screaming spy, "and if that don't work, use more gun."

Deciding it was time to go Hayate smiled, "Sorry to interrupt your work."

"No problem," Yuuno smiled pleasantly, "come by again."

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"What makes me a good demoman?" Vita asked disbelievingly.

Hayate really didn't know what to make of this one. First of all she looked all of fifteen years old, then she seemed to drink like a fish. And smoke, And all while she sat in her bunker surrounded by explosives and related supplies.

"If I was a bad demoman we wouldn't be sitting here talking about it!" Vita burst out, waving her hands wildly, "One misplaced wire, one extra smidge of explosive... and kabloey!"

Zafira and Hayate watched disbelievingly as she chugged down something from a simple jug, the fumes making her eyes water. "So...," Hayate desperately tried to come up with a question, "how did you get into this line of work?"

"It's a family tradition," Vita admitted, "goes back generations." as she drank she got more incoherent, and her language got even saltier. After a long tirade about her childhood and how 'she was a grim bloody fable with a unhappy end' she just fell over and started to snore.

"Should we do something?" Zafira asked after they went outside.

"Whoa," Hayate murmured as a tall, pink haired woman strode over to them. She had a weakness for tall, striking women, and this one was hitting all her buttons.

Signum looked at them flatly, her expression cool and unreadable. "Is Vita unconscious again?" she asked, "I will take care of her."

"You're the Pyro, right?" Hayate asked as she strode by, "I wanted to interview you..."

"I'm the team Pyro," Signum paused in the door to say, "and that's all you need to know." With that, she disappeared into the darkness.

"Dissed," Zafira noted mildly.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"I'm not quite sure where to start," Fate Testarossa admitted as the slim blond fidgeted in her interview. She was dressed in shorts and t-shirt, a courier bag hanging at her side.

"You're the team Scout, correct?" Hayate asked, confirming the information she was given. "How would you describe your job?"

Fate looked thoughtful, "I'm usually the first in, I confirm where the enemy is and relay the information to my teammates." She hefted her baseball bat thoughtfully, "Then Bardiche and I get to have some fun."

'What's with people here naming their weapons?' Hayate wondered. "Can you tell us about yourself?" she asked aloud.

Fate's eyes were sad as she shrugged. "If you were from where I came from," she said harshly, "you'd be dead." She suddenly turned and walked away, "We're done here."

"That was short," Zafira sighed as they moved off to do their next interview. "Have you been able to reach the Spy?"

"Can't track her down," Hayate sighed. She looked at Zafira, "So that leaves the Sniper and Medic, right?"

"Yeah," Zafira sighed, hoping the next interview would be less dangerous.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Sniping is a good job, really," Teana Lanster said as the young woman lead the climb up steep ladder, "it's challenging work, out of doors, and you'll never go hungry."

"Oh?" Hayate asked through her pants as she clambered up after her. And tried not to look at her ass in the short shorts.

With certainty Teana said, "As long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is going to want someone else dead."

Zafira gulped. "Oh."

"My mentor used to say that," Teana admitted as they reached the top. She unslung her rifle and took up a position to shoot, "He used to tell me that people with feelings ended up beating their wife dead with a golf trophy. Pros had standards."

"Standards," Hayate echoed weakly.

"Be polite, be efficient," Teana shrugged, "have a plan to kill everyone you meet." Both Zafira and Hayate paled and she grinned, "Just kidding."

"So... what happened to your mentor?" Hayate had to ask.

"Got thirty to life for bludgeoning his wife to death with a golf trophy." Teana aimed carefully then fired, the gunshot loud in the small room on top of a tower. She frowned, "I think his buddy saw me."

Bullets planged loudly into the metal roof even as Hayate squeaked in alarm.

"Yes, yes he did," Teana calmly ducked, folding her gun away quickly as she ordered, "Down the ladder. Now."

"I hate this job," Zafira whimpered.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Shamal was grinning as the blond medic continued, "It gets better! When the patient woke up, his skeleton was gone, and the doctor was never heard from again."

Both Hayate and Zafira looked at her in blank horror as Shamal's sweet giggles eased off.

"Well, maybe you had to be there," Shamal conceded with a smile.

"So, you've developed this rapid healing ray and other technology," Hayate waved around the lab, "why not publicize it? You could win a Nobel Prize."

"Why would I want to do that?" Shamal shrugged eloquently. "I'm perfectly happy where I am."

"I see," Zafira said. "loony tunes," he muttered under his breath.

"Besides," Shamal beamed, "where else would I get to practice medicine like this?"

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

No matter how insane the group was, there was a certain beauty in watching them in action. Nanoha held the center, spraying the enemy with firepower. Subaru moved to support her, while Teana shot anyone who got to close and Signum burned away anyone trying to sneak up. Fate scouted ahead for targets, Vita blew away obstacles and Shamal offered any needed medical help.

"You've got that look in your eye," Zafira noted as he looked at Hayate with a frown, "what are you planning?"

"Who says I'm planning anything?" Hayate batted her eyes innocently.

Zafira gave her a look, "Well?"

Hayate went back to watching the fight as she mused, "Well, out network was considering a new reality TV show, and they like out footage so far."

Zafira paled, imagining how dangerous it was going to be chasing these idiots on a daily basis. "We're gonna die," he sighed.

Hayate patted his muscled shoulder as she noted, "Only if you don't dodge fast enough."

To be continued...?

Notes: I tried to work the Team Fortress quotes in without making the characters TOO out of character. Well, other than them all being TF style nuts. May or may not continue this.

To Mecha Girl Lethal Nanoha fans, I AM planning a part two. If for no other reason than I want to have Nanoha 'befriend' Asuka at one point.


	3. Robotech!

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from either Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha or the Robotech setting, they all belong to others. Don't sue me, you won't get anything. Also written based off a conversation with Dan Wisner, thanks buddy.

Nanoha/Robotech

The Perils of Befriending.

It had been a VERY long day. All three squadron leaders had been rushing about, reorganizing flight teams after recent losses, as well as attending all the meetings brass thought were needed. How many meetings did you NEED in a day? Anyway, the three of them agreed to escape as soon as possible, and ended up at the officer's club.

A few drinks and feeling much more mellow, they were chatting at a corner table. "Good," Nanoha nodded as Dustine relied to a earlier comment then she smiled a little bit to cheerfully as she added, "If you did I would have to punish you."

"Please no," Dustine said as the attractive black haired woman continued, "I don't wanna be befriended."

"Befriended?" Nanoha blinked in confusion, the reddish-brown haired woman clearly not knowing what she meant.

"There's a odd tendency of people you beat the crap out of following you around like puppies," Dustine noted as she took a drink.

"They do NOT!" Nanoha protested, blushing.

Dustine put her cup down as she asked, "How did you and Fate meet?" 

There was a beat of dead silence then Nanoha mumbled, "... I beat her in mock combat."

"See..." Dustine smirked.

"But that doesn't mean anything!" Fate argued for her girlfriend loyally, the good looking blonde sitting beside Nanoha. 

"Hayate?" Dustine asked about another one of their friends who was quite close to Nanoha.

Fate sighed as she said, "Inter squad mock combat."

"Fate..." Nanoha whimpered, but didn't exactly deny it either. 

"Did you know Nanoha has a Zentradi FAN CLUB?" Dustine grinned. 

"No!" Fate looked scandalized...

"They take pride in how hard she kicked their ass." Dustine explained impishly.

Nanoha sighed softly and took another drink. Maybe they'd get tired of the conversation eventually...

To be continued?


	4. Mini Chapters

Nanoha Crossovers that Should Not Be!

Mini-chapters/Omake!

Nanoha/Strawberry Panic

"Hey, author!" Vita yelped indignantly, "All your fics are already yuri. Why the heck do you need to do a Strawberry Panic crossover?"

"I think Hayate asked for it, actually," Shamal noted mildly.

"Huh?" Zafira blinked.

Hayate burst in, beaming. "Oh, I can't wait! The beautiful older sister type, surrounded by a garden of lovelies... " she sighed.

"You just want a harem don't you?" Vita asked, sighing.

Hayate pouted, "What's wrong with that?"

The Melancholy of Hayate Yagami

"I'm Hayate Yagami, from East Junior High. First off, I'm not interested in ordinary people. But, if any of you are aliens, time-travelers, espers or lesbians, please come see me. That is all!"

"THAT'S NOT HOW IT"S SUPPOSED TO GO!" Yuuno Scrya yelped, finding himself inexplicably cast as Kyon.

Hayate smirked, "Awww, that's more interesting."

Meanwhile, Signum was wondering why she was dressed as Mikuru Asahina. "This makes no sense at all," she complained.

"Boobs," Fat noted with a sigh. "Why am I dressed as Tsuruya? I don't even laugh like her."

"I don't think we fit this series at all," Nanoha agreed, dressed as Yuki. "Author, can we PLEASE move on?"

Yagami Star!

Hayate, Fate, Nanoha and Vita danced along to a song about school uniforms, even as scenes flashed by of school activities carried out by various Nanoha cast members. The match ups were not exact, but it was fun to watch.

"You are not doing the chocolate coronet joke," Vita ordered, "it looks too much like oral sex."

"Meanie," Hayate pouted.

"Why is Hayate staring in all these mini-episodes anyway?" Fate wondered. She frowned, "It's like she has control of the author or something."

Meanwhile, in another room a older man was bound to a chair. "Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have broken the fourth wall so often," the Author complained.

"Yes, Author-san, we followed you back," Shamal agreed pleasantly.

"All right," the Author sighed, resigned, "what does Hayate want next?"

"Ninjas versus a tentacle monster, I think," Shamal checked her notes as she added, "and make it not hentai."

"Ugh," the Author whimpered.

To be continued...?

Short update is short. Sorry. Life continues to be crazy at casa Shanejayell.


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